we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
