Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
