No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
