I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize