i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
