I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
