He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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