So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
