I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
