I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
