PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
