Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
