I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
