I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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