I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize