just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
