oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
