I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
