Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize