I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
