You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
