So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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