so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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