You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
