508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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