That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
