mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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