Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize