she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
