Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
