I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
