I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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