adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
cat food counts as protein by the way
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
