he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
