i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
