If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
