Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
