i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
