We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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