Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
