Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
