My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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