Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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