strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize