elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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