Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My vagina just clenched in fear
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
