Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize