i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
