Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
