Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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