we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
