i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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