Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize