So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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