I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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