Who did Billy Mays play for?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
