I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
