I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
