I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize