my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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