I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize