i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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