They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
