I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
