i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were trust falling into bushes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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