Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
