Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
