they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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