I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
