I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize