I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
