Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
