You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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