Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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