So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
