I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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