That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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