No more Irish car bombs ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
