i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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