im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
