I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
