I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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