all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
