tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
