You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
