Do you still have your period?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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