She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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