I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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