I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
