Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
