I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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