Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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