dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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