my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
