HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize