it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
