he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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