She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize