What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
