We're like a lot better than the average bears
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
