I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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