i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
