I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
