He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
