They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize