you guys were way drunker than both of me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
