Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
