We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
