how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
