Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
