you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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