Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
