I think I died a long time ago.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
