its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
