how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
