Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
