Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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