Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
